Seamstress Clara

For the past few weeks months I've been editing my third novel. You read it right – months. The thing is – I needed to go through it quite a few times. But that was not the reason why it took  takes me months. Yup, I'm still not finished.  

Firstly I blamed the months from the edge of hell – end of September and October. Not many good things happened then – and one really bad thing happened – I lost my dear friend and that put everything on hold.

After I managed to process the matter and accepted that it had actually happened – the months from hell followed – November and December right up to 21st. Everything piled up on me: work, home, school, home works,  therapies, etc...

You name them I probably did them. My batteries were close to empty even before the sun went down... I had no wish, no desire, and no energy to even sit down and edit. I tried, but didn't do much.

Then last week, when I finally found some time to sit down and take the manuscript into my hands, everything looked so easy. I managed to go through almost one quarter of it. I looked through the window and there was still sun outside.

And then it hit me. Hard. You could say I had a breakthrough.

You know – here where I live we have a saying – which I'm going to try and translate. It rhymes in my language, but I promise you – it won't in English.

Seamstress Clara – through the night she sews, and rips apart through the day.

The meaning of it is that if you're not careful what you do when you do it – you're probably going to have to mend it.

I felt like Clara. I write / sew better during the night and I can get myself into editing / ripping apart only during the day...

So, recognising and accepting this thing about me – about my writing – I know now, that for my following novels, I'm definitely going to take days off from work until the deed is done.